You know, the greatest fear lies in the sterile minds and its constant tendency to forsee the dark future with nothing but death and decay.
My four undergraduate years have given me a lot of things to cherish but a handful of memories that I want to tear apart in pieces and burn them
with hatred and the idea of “moving on” from the odds to the even. I do not hold back grudges against a certain someone or something as this
will otherwise scribble a normal “end theory” rather I want to desecrate the sanctum that was built upon arbitrary, truth-like promises,
statements, behaviour, cognition, days and nights.
Several months after a mental turmoil, I was finally finding peace. I needed to concentrate on my career but lost the zeal to produce my mind on a piece of paper. Being emotional is the worst surge of hormones when you need to fight your own sentiments for the sake of justice . When I am finally back again on the right track, I need my muscles to flex and support my condition, help me live my life. This takes time and I guess it takes more to redesign everything on your way.
I believe I haven’t lost everything except some important time for fatuous reasons and group activities that could only mean harm. However, my faith is now as loose as a broken a mirror. Less than a month ago, I survived a tour, although it was one of the best breaks of my life, I had a pool of realisations. Each one out of that magic box now screams to shape me in a better and brighter way but gets back into the shell because of my personal experiences. My mind probably seeks panacea that has only made it tired. At the end of the day, how to fight?
Books-the only friend, has now been my constant companion with a pair of noise proof ear plugs. I havn’t shut myself off from the rest of world but I now possess a door with a security guard that does not let anyone pass through it. I have gathered sources to focus on, a journal to scribble on and a website that was abandoned months ago has now been active and a real part of my life to store my stories in a reel. This was not the purpose of this website, it was not supposed be an open book but it is now, it is the crutch of a lame mind.
I survived. I am not a rape victim, neither have taken assaults. I am not a brave woman who has great story to tell you, but I am a normal woman, who is trying to enjoy the tit-bits of adulthood. I write, I play, I experiment, I eat and drink, solve puzzles, and sleep. All these together I probably make my own path to reach a destiny, not so prominent.